the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
