Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
