i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
