Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
