do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
