She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
