Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
