Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
