Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
