He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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