please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
