remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
babies were throwing up all over the place
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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