hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
