sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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