He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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