3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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