Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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