I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
