yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
