Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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