Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am available for nakedness
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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