So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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