Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
soo... how was my night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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