Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
