Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
