last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Come on in and take your pants off
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