I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
