areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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