And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
