Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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