Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
