If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
