i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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