Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need a burrito and a hug.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize