we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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