he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
