You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
