ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
