none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
