Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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