some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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