Buhtt sex?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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