Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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