Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
