what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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