Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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