The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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