dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
