I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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