i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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