i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The power of my boobs compel you
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize