I can text with my tongue
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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