i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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