Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
