I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
