so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
