I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
