AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
