Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
