All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
