Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
