absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i barfeds in our rink
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
