I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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