There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
