Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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