Buhtt sex?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
