Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
