he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
