don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
