When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
